No Regrets
by HopelessRomantic984
Summary: This one-shot occurs five years in the future, when a tragic event finds Karen, a successful actress in London, looking back and reassessing the choices she made. When Derek shows up to see her unexpectedly, he reminds her of all the reasons she cared about him so much in the past. What will the future hold for them?


She barely heard the light tapping at the door. Even when the knocking became more insistent, she decided to ignore it. She was not in the mood for company tonight. Of all nights, definitely not tonight.

Then, the rhythm of the knock was so familiar, so unique, so tied to memories she thought she'd long forgotten, that she shot up from the couch where she'd been dozing.

It couldn't be…

But… there was only one man who used to knock at her dressing room door like that.

She raced to the door and didn't even bother looking in the peephole before pulling it open.

Derek Wills leaned nonchalantly in the doorway.

"Hello Love," he breathed quietly. Derek's pained smile told her more than his words ever could. His presence tonight was no coincidence.

He knew…

"Derek," she whispered, feeling her heart skip a beat as she uttered his name. It had been so long. Five years, three months and six days… but then again who was counting?

She turned quickly away, knowing beyond a doubt that if he wanted to come in, he would. Derek Wills didn't ask permission from anyone, especially not her. She heard her front door shut and she surmised that she was right.

Before she got halfway into the living room of her apartment, she felt his strong grasp on her upper arm, turning her back towards him.

"Karen… I had to come." He dropped his hand from her arm, only to push it roughly through his hair. "Bloody hell… I heard about Jimmy and my first thought was not about that poor bastard but about you."

Her mouth raised in a half smile as she realized how much she'd missed his blunt rants.

"Derek, I… Jimmy and I weren't… that seems like a lifetime ago." She had dated Jimmy for about 2 years while they had been performing in "The Hit List." But his drug problem had only ramped up with the more success the show had. She had stood for a lot, but one night, while high on cocaine or heroine or whatever quick fix Jimmy was able to get his hand on, he'd come home and aggressively kissed her, immediately trying to lead to something else. She'd refused and he'd backhanded her across the face. That was the last time she'd seen Jimmy. A sliver of regret rushed through her as she realized that it would the last time she would ever see him.

She eyed Derek curiously, knowing that he knew about the last time she saw Jimmy, seeing as he was the one to comfort her and threaten to beat the shit out of the "bloody sod." Which of course, Karen hadn't let him. She'd simply walked away from "The Hit List," letting her understudy take her part for the rest of its run. Which incidentally wasn't long as this had begun Jimmy's slow spiral out of control.

"Derek, you know exactly the last time I saw Jimmy. Believe me, I wasn't stupid enough to take him back after that," she sighed, turning away from him. She hadn't wanted either one of them to remember how stupid she had been then.

He reached his hand forward, sliding his thumb across her cheekbone. "Honestly, I'm relieved to hear that. I always prayed that you wouldn't let that prick worm his way back into your life. But then again, you cut me off too so I had no way of really knowing."

"I didn't…" She began to protest, but then again, she pretty much had cut him off. Even if she hadn't been doing it intentionally at the time. Taking a part in London's West End, she hadn't exactly tried to bridge the distance to keep in touch with many of her friends in the U.S.

She sighed, reaching up to squeeze the hand he still held to her face. "I'm sorry about that. I think I just needed to get away from everything that reminded me of how stupid I was when it came to Jimmy. I'm still not proud of the person I became when I was with him."

"Love, it pained me to watch you accept him, forgive him over and over when he didn't deserve it. I'm glad you got out from under that." He offered her a smile that held a glint of sympathy and relief.

She shook her head slightly, trying to shake off the memories of those tough, long ago days. "Me too, but Derek, that was five years ago. Why did Jimmy's overdose make you need to see me now?"

He moved closer to her so that he could cup her face with both his hands. "Because I've never met a woman who felt things as deeply as you do. I knew the minute I heard that, no matter how long ago it had been since you had seen him, you would be in pain. You loved him once, part of you, deep inside, probably always will."

Her eyes filled up with tears at his words. He was right, of course. But then Derek always had known her better than most people.

When she'd heard about Jimmy being found dead of a drug overdose, it had rocked her world. She'd rushed home from rehearsal and holed herself up in her apartment to mourn the loss of a talented, yet extremely troubled man. She still remembered all the good things about Jimmy. His smile, his musical brilliance, the kindness that he showed only to the people closest to him. It was a tragedy that he had ruined everything with the darkness he couldn't seem to rid himself of.

She brushed away the errant tear that slid down her cheek. "Thanks for coming, for knowing, even after all these years that this is exactly what I would need."

Without words, he leaned forward, kissing her firmly on the top of the head. She closed her eyes, relishing the feeling of being close to him.

"Love, you know there's no where else I would be, even after all this time." He pulled away, and wiped his thumb across her cheek, wiping away the remnants of the tear that fell.

She sighed, not willing to let him walk away just yet. Instead, she gently grabbed his hand and pulled him to the couch, where he sat with a more than reasonable distance from her. Which for some reason irritated her beyond comprehension.

"So, what have you been up to lately?" she asked, trying to sound casual. Technically she didn't need to ask this question because she had kept track of what he had been directing, although she hadn't heard of anything he'd been directing recently.

He settled his hands in his lap, and she wondered why he kept fidgeting with them. As if he needed to keep them busy or occupied. "Professionally, well… I've been taking a bit of break. The truth is, I haven't really been inspired with any projects that have come my way. I guess you could say I've been missing my muse," he said, shooting her a grin. "So, I came back to London to just… figure things out."

She felt the shock run through her. "How long have you been in London?"

"About a year. I saw your show you know. You are brilliant. Just as amazing and refreshing as the day you auditioned for Marilyn Monroe."

She blushed, wondering whether he was referring to the public or private audition he had received.

"Why didn't you come and see me before?"

He chuckled, and she realized how happy it made her to see him smile and laugh. "Honestly, I didn't know if you would have wanted to see me."

Her mouth curled into a half-smile. "Oh, Derek. You know I never could resist seeing you."

"Oh, I don't know," he joked, "I seemed to remember a time when you could resist me just fine."

They spent the next few hours reminiscing and talking as if they hadn't been apart for five years.

When it started to get late, Karen could tell that he was getting ready to leave. She realized, in one moment of perfect clarity, that if Jimmy's death had taught her anything it was to live fully, and to live without regrets. And she knew, beyond a shadow of a doubt, that if she let Derek Wills walk out of her life again, it would be the single biggest regret of her life.

As he stood and began to put on his coat, she stood with him and stammered, "Will you… will you stay a while?" Her voice shook with the weight of the decision she made. She hoped he understood the gravity of the question she was asking him.

He sighed with relief, as he threw his jacket on a chair across the room. A wide smile broke out across his face. "I've been waiting for over 5 years. I can honestly tell you that, now that you've asked me to stay, you are going to have to force me out that door when you want me to leave."

She grinned, meeting his eyes and seeing the emotion behind his happy smile. She moved closer and grasped his hands tightly in her own. "I don't think that's going to happen ever again."


End file.
